The Newest Star Wars Creature Is Cute—But Is It As Cute As These Other Cute Things?
I fell in love the moment I saw it. When that little alien moved its little head and stared up at me—and thousands of other Star Wars fans at D23 Expo last month—with its big, round eyes, I lost it. It’s the same feeling of overwhelming joy that I felt when BB-8 first rolled into my life with a “beep-boop” and a thumbs up. It’s soooooo cute.
Say hello to the porg, a tiny bird-like alien introduced in Rian Johnson’s Star Wars: The Last Jedi. These wide-eyed, naturally curious creatures are native to the ocean planet Ahch-To—where Rey found Luke at the end of The Force Awakens—and have been described as the Star Wars equivalent of puffins with their stout fluffiness. (When I look at a porg, I see a pug head on a puffin body with baby seal eyes.) “They build nests,” Lucasfilm Story Group’s Pablo Hidalgo recently told StarWars.com. “They can fly. Their babies are called porglets.”
EXCUSE ME. THEIR BABIES ARE CALLED PORGLETS. PORGLETS!!! Call me crazy but porgs just usurped Ewoks as the cutest creatures in the galaxy. #PorgLife
The porgs in The Last Jedi are incredibly loyal to Luke Skywalker, who I guess they think of as daddy, so, naturally, they’re initially skeptical of Rey when she lands the Millennium Falcon on Ahch-To. But over the course of her training, expect the furry little creatures to strike up a bond with Chewbacca and R2-D2. (I can already picture a murder of porgs perched on Artoo’s head.) A recently released image from The Last Jedi shows a porg sitting with Chewie in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, so not only are they cute and territorial — they’re also pretty wily!
Does, uh, the Wookiee eat porg? Because Chewie is looking at this little guy like it’s dinner time.
But I digress. Porgs are the cutest things I have ever seen with my own two eyes. (Sorry, BB-8.) They are so cute and squishy, I just want to snuggle with one. Or five. Or a dozen. Is it possible to retire early and become a porg lady? Even their razor-sharp, cat-like teeth are cute! And so, so tiny!!! I’m obsessed.
So, in honour of my newfound obsession, let’s see how the porg’s overall cuteness compares to these other adorable things.
Porg vs. Pug
Oh. My. God. This is harder than I thought. Pugs are cute because they look so weird, like all genetically engineered pooches do. But they also have health issues, and I once heard that their eyes have a tendency to pop out of the socket, which freaks me out. (And it’s decidedly not cute!) So, yeah, the porg wins this one.
Porg vs. Baby Seal
Look at those big, soulful eyes!!! In many ways, seals are my spirit animals. They just like to lie around all day, doing nothing, and occasionally go for a swim. But seals, even baby ones, are very large. Part of what makes a porg so cute is its tiny and infantile stature. It’s the perfect apartment pet. Another point for the porg.
Porg vs. BB-8
This is a real Sophie’s Choice. BB-8, the adorably spherical droid at the heart of The Force Awakens, has not only launched a bajillion (that’s an accurate number, btw) merchandising opportunities for Disney, but it’s also become the new face for the franchise. A very cute, very round face. He’s cute and even a little mischievous—kinda like a porg. But a porg can do something BB-8 can’t: yawn. Look at how cute the porg’s little yawn is!! The porg wins. Sorry again, BB. Love is a fickle thing.
Porg vs. Tiny Pig
Pigs are cute, but they seem like a lot of work. They also like to screech. While it’s impossible to know what porgs sound like without seeing The Last Jedi, I’m going to say their squawking is probably not as loud or annoying. So another point for the porg! This piglet does get extra credit for taking a hell of a sassy photo, though.
Porg vs. Baby Sloth
My name isn’t Kristen, so the porg obviously takes this one.
Porg vs. Lil Bub
Which tiny, internet-famous animal is cuter? This is hard. Lil Bub is a special kitty. She squawks, has large, porg-like eyes, and she has 1.6 million followers on Instagram. Meanwhile, Ahch-To doesn’t even have Instagram. But Bub’s dude is just an average dude, while the porg’s dude is Luke Skywalker. PORG WINS.
Porg vs. My Dog
My dog Nova is very cute, but a porg has never pooped on my rug, or barked at me for food, so the porg takes this one. Easy.
There you have it: porgs are the cutest animals in this universe—and in that other fictional universe. Case closed.