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14 Terrible Harry Potter Valentine’s Day Cards That Might Just Work

The Harry Potter film studio is really starting to catch onto the fact that yes, every single holiday of the year is in fact an appropriate occasion to open the Great Hall at Hogwarts and make mealtime magic happen for us mere muggles.

Following on its Christmas dinner offering that had us shaking in our cloaks with enough excitement to make Buckbeak super snappy, the Warner Bros. Studio Tour in London is now planning to put on a romantic Valentine’s Day-themed dinner series on Feb. 13 and 14, complete with three courses of trimmings—gourmet entrées and accoutrements with tart-astic desserts and adult cocktails, the works.

All of this, of course, will be served to the Felix Felicious-filled couples in attendance while they enjoy the privacy of sweetheart tables decked out with the romantic works right there in the heart of Hogwarts. Then, they’ll be treated to a set tour, a Platform 9 3/4 nightcap and a personal wand.

Forget Amortentia; this date is built in with all you need to earn his/her love once and for all. But if you want to broom-ride it that extra mile and make that affection reach the level of “Always,” here are a few Valentine’s cards that are so terrible they’re awesome.

1. This a-Dumbledore-able note


2. This Neville name play

3. Siriusly amazing stuff here

4. These spell-bindingly naughty notes’ll get YOU into the Room of Requirement

5. No one wants to be compared to a dementor unless it’s exactly like this

It’s almost Valentines Day! #harrypottervalentines #valentinesday #valentines #harrypotter

A photo posted by Delaney Martin (@sh1nebr1ght) on

6. Forget Netflix and Chill. Do the Muggle Snuggle

7. It’s a LeStrange request, but sure

8. Even Dolores Umbridge wants a taste of love

9. OK, so this one’s a little dirty—what’d you expect from the Dark Lord?

10. No promises to slytherout

Some Harry potter valentines for you all #idied #slytherin #valentineshumor #harrypottervalentines #yes #winning @stephobrowski

A photo posted by ????Jossa Marie Deck???? (@jossamariebaybeee) on

11. For the secret admiring type


A photo posted by Ÿøū Därę Špêåk Hįś Ñãmė ? (@snazzysnapeaccount) on

12. For the cleverest witches

Awwweeeeeeeeee [cr. @yoiwantmyklaineback] #harrypottervalentines #harrypotter #lunalovegood

A photo posted by ⓐⓛⓦⓐⓨⓢ ⓐⓛⓛⓞⓝⓢ-ⓨ! (@accio_tardis) on

13. A bit of avian affection for the OWLS


A photo posted by Heather???? (@headermariuh) on

14. And this cheeky wink that only a guy like Hagrid could pull off