If You Want Your Sequel To Be Good, Put Emily Blunt In It
From what we’ve already seen in movies like Looper, Edge of Tomorrow, and Into the Woods to what we’re promised to see in the upcoming and very mysterious Girl on a Train, it’s becoming clear that there is no one better than Emily Blunt at bringing genre movies to life. Also, there is no one better than Emily Blunt. Blessed with seemingly infinite reserves of chill, she’s as relaxed and as real as ever in this weekend’s Snow White–less sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman, which is now called The Huntsman, but which probably should have been called The Ice Queen—But Not the Ice Queen From Frozen; A Different, Meaner Ice Queen. In light of Blunt’s sequel-saving achievement—and looking forward to the upcoming Sicario sequel—we went to the calendar to find some other franchises that could fuel their proposed reboots with a blast of actressing courtesy of Emily.
Escape From New Blunt
I did not originate the idea of Emily Blunt as Snake Plissken. News came that a reboot of the classic series was in the works back when Blunt was blowing America’s mind as an action star in Edge of Tomorrow, and her name was tossed into the mix by fans and film sites.
Emily Blunt is James Bond. She wears fancy suits, drives fast cars, and shoots people who are being annoying, but most global conflicts are resolved peacefully because time in her buoyant presence is enough to convince most supervillains of humanity’s ultimate value. Get Daniel Craig back in his swim trunks and he can play the irresistible (but deadly!) Bond Girl this go-round.
Fantastic Blunts and Where to Find Them
Because all worlds with Emily Blunt are magical worlds of witchcraft and wizardry. Besides, Eddie Redmayne needs to chill. It’s gonna take me a while to get over The Danish Girl, and real heroes live with their choices. Just ask Emily Blunt—she’s contractually obligated to make another Gnomeo & Juliet.
Avengers 3: Infinity Blunt
Iron Blunt, a billionaire heiress Gwyneth Paltrow babysits, who built a super suit to help power her faulty heart. Captain Blunt, a made-in-America super-soldier Goody Two-shoes who was frozen for government purposes 70 years ago. The Incredible Blunt, a scientist who struggles with anger management. Blunt Widow, a Russian. That this wasn’t the original concept astonishes me, but fortunately these movies will be getting sequels for the rest of our and Emily Blunt’s lives, so there’s plenty of time to right this wrong.
Emily Blunt usurps Sam Worthington’s consciousness and explores the galaxy as a blue person, fighting the imperialist urges of humanity from the inside. James Cameron has to make four more of these movies by 2020; the least he can do is give himself a break and let Emily Blunt take over the acting.
Blunt Wars: Episode VIII
Daisy Ridley and Emily Blunt are both tall and British, and Emily Blunt already killed it in Looper with Star Wars: Episode VIII director Rian Johnson. And before y’all get nitpicky about the seven-second flashback we already saw of Rey’s origins, let’s take a second to remember that Star Wars loves planting surprise siblings. You can’t tell me they can make an entire star system but can’t write a sister into the galaxy for Rey.
It’s just Emily Blunt and Amy Adams playing video games in Ben Affleck’s basement. Zack Snyder needs to get back to basics.
Alice in Wonderblunt
Alice falls down the rabbit hole but instead of finding a poisoned CGI hellscape like the one Tim Burton made out of Lewis Carroll’s classic novel, it’s just Emily Blunt in queen drag, a rabbit, some acid, and a couple of pots of English Breakfast.
Alien 5: Bluntenant
Edge of Tomorrow 2
Please don’t make this movie. The first one is perfect exactly as it is. Is nothing sacred? Must I call Emily Blunt and get her to spell it out for you?