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5 Things We’ll Have To Live Without When The 5th Wave’s ‘Others’ Get Here

In The 5th Wave, the ‘Others’ arrive one day, right out of the clear blue sky. Their ship lingers over Ohio (Go Buckeyes!), taking in the stunning vistas that places like Southern Italy, the Swiss Alps, or French Polynesia only wish they possessed. That’s because out of all the riches Earth is home to, these Others insist on taking the one thing the entire planet holds dearest: American teenagers.

Of course, the Others know they can’t just swoop in and take the major driver of the Western economy. They need to start slow to avoid a full-on counter attack. So first they knock out the power. No cell phones. No YouTube. No apps of any kind. Then they flood our coastal cities. Bye, New York. Then they turn our own birds against us. Obviously teens are next, so the army eventually moves into protect them. But in the time between the first and final waves, the teens in The 5th Wave have to get by without the first world comforts they’re accustomed to. Never mind food and clean water, these hard-done-bys have to subsist without Snapchat—and five other basic human needs:

1. Selfies

RIFLE

Remember when we told you that the aliens knocked out the power to the entire planet? You probably didn’t realize that that means your phone, too. Even if it was fully charged. So no more awkwardly angling your head and arms in order to shoot your own pouty face. Instead, you get to learn to shoot an assault rifle.

2. Coldplay records

Memorize the lyrics to “Beautiful World” now because your little brother is going to want to hear that song every damn night. Even when your throat is aching from all the running for your life/screaming you’ve been doing all day.

3. Livejournal

DIARY

Sorry, you’ll have to write your self-involved version of the alien apocalypse with paper and a pen. What’s worse, your entries will get very few comments and zero likes.

4. Hoverboards

BIKE

Once the aliens use an electromagnetic wave to disable all powered vehicles, we can finally and conclusively give up on the dream that this mode of transport will ever become a reality. It’s you and your feet from here on out.

5. Teen dystopian movies

TEEN

Hmm, maybe these aliens are on to something after all.

The 5th Wave stars Chloe Moretz, Liev Schreiber, and Alex Roe and is in theatres tonight. Check out the trailer below.

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