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Why The Misfits Were The Real Stars Of Jem

Synergy, I need power… and a long, calming hug. Because Jem and the Holograms is hitting theaters this week, and it’s going to be (hopefully) amazing.

There’s just one thing that’s putting a teensy dent in the excitement of seeing Jem on the big screen: This movie reportedly contains no Misfits—we can neither confirm nor deny their existence in the film, you’ll just have to see it for yourself.

Regardless, we can all agree: this is outrageous. Like, truly, truly, TRULY outrageous.

In case you missed out on Jem in its original 1980s classic cartoon iteration, the Misfits were a rival band who showed up in most episodes, trying to upstage the heroic Holograms. Their leader and frontwoman: the fabulous, chartreuse-haired Phyllis “Pizzazz” Gabor, whose sole desire in life is to eclipse Jem as the greatest girl rocker of all.

The thing is, that’s a mission Pizzazz and Misfits actually kind of accomplished. (Perhaps that’s why they didn’t survive the transition from TV to film; they would’ve stolen the show.) So while we won’t be seeing them on the big screen, we can’t let Jem and the Holograms get this big break without mentioning how much we’ll miss the Misfits. Here’s what made Pizzazz, Roxy, Stormer, and Jetta the real stars of Jem.

Their songs were better

They say so right in the title credits, and honestly, they’re not wrong. Jem and the Holograms trafficked in sugary, feel-good pop music, but the Misfits? They took risks, and it made their songs much more memorable.

And so’s their band name

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No awesome punk band ever called itself “The Holograms,” and there’s a reason for that. We’re not saying, we’re just saying.

Their music videos have a major creative edge

“I Am a Giant” is basically the BBHMM of 1980s cartoon girlpop.

Their fashion was on point

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Note the total lack of hideous purple bermuda shorts. *COUGH*AJA*COUGH.

The Misfits weren’t pretenders

Say what you will about Phyllis “Pizzazz” Gabor, but she and her friends were real-deal rockers who had just as much attitude offstage as on. Jem, on the other hand, was nothing but technical smoke and mirrors. I mean, Jerrica Benton never even dyed her hair IRL.

And nothing goes with good music like some quality beef

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Taylor and Katy, Nicki and Miley, Drake and Meek: Rivalries between artists don’t necessarily make for great music, but they definitely make music a lot more fun. Misfits, you’ll be missed.

Jem and the Holograms strums into theatres tomorrow, October 23.

INNERSPACE CLIPS