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Bowser Is Now An Official Nintendo Employee In Real Life

In a move that surely has Luigi furious, Nintendo of America has hired Bowser as Vice President of U.S. sales, BusinessWire reports.

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OK, full disclosure — this Bowser isn’t actually a massive spiky turtle creature. He’s a human man whose name happens to be Doug Bowser. Nintendo has gone to great lengths to ensure everyone that the human Bowser has decades of experience and “not fire breath.”

Scott Moffitt, Nintendo’s Executive Vice President of Sales and Marketing, said Bowser “will work tirelessly with our internal and external partners to ensure the broad Nintendo product lineup of hardware, software and accessories are strongly represented throughout U.S. retail points of distribution.”

He then added, “Also, you can defeat him by grabbing him by his tail and spinning him around in a circle.” Cue slow clap.

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Nintendo employees are reportedly concerned about having Bowser as a boss. One anonymous employee, who wore overalls and had a red hat with an “M” on it, voiced his opinion: “I’m-a worried about asking for a raise. He’s-a probably going to say, ’It’s in another castle!’”

He then jumped down a green pipe, sped off in an illegal street racer and played tennis for some reason.

INNERSPACE CLIPS